I’m restless.
I’m fucking bored.
People die. I can’t get death out of my mind. It feels like I’m in constant deja vu, I feel like a vulnerable child. I’m back home, my old room. I don’t know where to go in my mind. I just have to wait this nightmare out, knowing and waiting. I hate the waiting. The cravings don’t stop. The pure delight of a hit right now. I don’t think I can get through this.
I’m bored and anxious.
I’m so fucking uncomfortable, my skins crawling. My muscles are aching. My bones are aching. It’s getting cold and gloomy outside, it always does. I feel scared. I don’t know of what. I don’t know how to feel. I started to crave again and I’m getting agitated. Just one hit will make it all go away. I can’t do this.
The first three weeks are always the worst; I’m going fucking insane. I can’t stop watching the seconds tick by. This is the worst it’s ever been.
It feels like I’m stuck in a nightmare and I can’t wake up, I have those on heroin, those are the worst. I dream of death and deformity and blood, screaming chaos, I know I’m dreaming and I can’t wake up.
It’s almost Christmas.
It’s getting worse. I’m to scared to go to sleep. I fucking hate sleep.
I’m scared to go through with this, but I need to and I just want to go back. I’m confused and scared.
It’s a downward spiral
It can never work
Thai White is like that
It’s like that
And it rips my life
Away
Nothing... Nothing
Christmas is close.
I still don’t know what the date is. I don’t care.
I feel very uncomfortable, scared, and vulnerable around people.
It feel like someone is watching me.
I’ve forgotten again. It feels like I black out and then suddenly come to again. Like I am in and out of my mind, it’s fucking insane. I’m struggling with reality.
I’m listening to the radio. I hate the fucking radio. It’s Barney Simon’s last show this week.
It’s 9:13pm.
Linkin Park is playing on the radio.
No comments:
Post a Comment